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Message-ID: <20050711163024.GH8851@foofus.net> Date: Mon Jul 11 17:30:55 2005 From: foofus at foofus.net (foofus@...fus.net) Subject: CoffeeWars VI: Call for Beans How are you planning to spend the hour from 10:00AM-11:00AM (PDT) of Friday 29 July 2005? For serious and right-thinking folk, there can be only one answer: "I will be at DefCon, and I plan to devote myself entirely to CoffeeWars VI." That's right: another Coffee War. The excitement is back, the staff is preparing the materials, and the judges are eager to determine which hacker's coffee is the best, and (thereby) which hacker stands steamy head and jittery shoulders above the rest. So alert your senses, and select your beans carefully: many wonders await those who are called to follow the Way of the Bean. ATTENTION COFFEE WARRIORS! Coffee glory awaits to be taken in such abundance as may never occur again. Reputation and fame enough to establish an individual for a lifetime, with the prize awarded at the DefCon closing ceremony. Coffee Wars VI Of three pots and two grinders At a table in the Athena Ballroom Presents an uncommonly fine opportunity for recognition of the brew that you personally hold so dear. The Coffee Wars Staff commands this event, and the sooner you enter the better. None need apply but motivated contestants, able to bring 8oz (minimum) of eligible coffee beans. Only one entry per person, please. Stand at attention, then, and let us read the Articles of Coffee War! 1. If any staff member, judge, entrant, or other person of the Coffee War, shall give, offer, or enter decaf, every such person so offending, and being thereof convicted by the sentence of the staff, shall be punished with humiliation and disgrace. NO FREAKING DECAF. 2. All entries, and all coffees whatsoever, that shall come, or be found, in the Coffee War, to be ground in some manner prior to entry, whether it be finely or coarsely, shall suffer disqualification. WHOLE BEANS ONLY. 3. Every person in the Coffee War, who through cowardice, negligence, or disaffection, shall in time of action submit flavored beans, every such person so offending, and being convicted thereof by the sentence of staff, shall be covered in mockery and shame. NO FLAVORED BEANS. 4. No person in the Coffee War shall receive an entry or bean, grinder, pot, filter, jug of water, or any other supplies whatsoever, directly or indirectly, without prior arrangement with the staff at the time when such items are offered up. WANT TO SEE YOUR STUFF EVER AGAIN? TELL US BEFORE, NOT AFTER. 5. If any person in or near the Coffee War shall ask questions of the staff or judges, quizzing them with inquisitive requests for information, opinion, facts, or conjecture, that person shall, upon being convicted thereof, suffer such punishment as the offence shall deserve, and the staff shall impose. NO QUESTIONS, JUST FULLY CAFFIENATED COMBAT. 6. All other crimes not capital committed by any person or persons in the Coffee War, which are not mentioned in this act, or for which no punishment is hereby directed to be inflicted, shall be punished by the laws and customs in such cases used at Coffee War. SHRDLU > YOU. With these points, and with wishes for a spirited and decisive engagement, we have the honor to be, etc. The CoffeeWars Staff The Athena Room, Defcon. To any dorkwads who think they'll be able to swing by and help themselves to coffee, or whatever: leave us alone, you dweebs! Once the judges have judged, and once the remaining brew has been shared with the contestants and maybe a few other key personalities, then others can have some. Maybe. Likewise, the field of battle is often crowded. If you are planning to enter, it is advisable to let us know (for example, drop an "e" mail to foofus at foofus dot net) in advance so that we reserve a pot for you. Finally, a note on punctuality: we strive to accept all entries, but it's important that we get yours at the start of the contest, rather than, say, halfway through it. So, for instance, if you are on your way to CoffeeWars with your entry, and are crossing the street, and are caught up in a collision between two vehicles, and trapped so that the emergency crews have to use the Jaws of Life to extract you from the twisted metal, do not loiter around until your whole body is freed from the wreckage: HAND YOUR ENTRY OUT FIRST. We understand that acts of God may interfere with absolute promptness, but we can make no guarantees. So if you are late, and we can't take your coffee, and you get all sad about that, you are truly a buttmunch. Better just to be on time. NB: CoffeeWars vi is superior to CoffeeWars emacs.
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