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Date: Thu Jul 13 13:37:39 2006
From: foofus at foofus.net (foofus@...fus.net)
Subject: [off topic] CoffeeWars VII: Call For Beans
CoffeeWars HQ
Undisclosed Location
Not near Dick Cheney's
(we have no idea where he stays,
although we hear it's a local
police officer training ground
or state trooper college mostly)
12 July 2006
TO: All y'all
This is the official Call for Beans for CoffeeWars 7. That's correct:
we have been doing this for seven whole years. What is CoffeeWars?
It is a contest to determine which hacker's coffee is truly the best,
and (in the process) to gather and provide information about the best
coffees to be had.
Do you love coffee? Are you of the opinion that the particular coffee
you drink is better than anybody else's? If so, then sumbit your beans
for judgment, and let our blind taste-test determine whether you will
return from the Coffee War covered in glory, or whether you've been
drinking industrial waste.
The rules are simple, and unequivocal:
1. Bring only whole beans. If your coffee has already been
ground, it is disqualified. WHOLE BEANS ONLY.
2. Bring only unflavored beans. If your coffee is a vanilla-
hazelnut-chickory chemistry experiement, it is disqualified.
UNTAINTED BEANS ONLY.
3. Bring interesting beans. We don't care if Maxwell House
trumps Taster's Choice; we are trying to focus on small-
batch artisan roasts with the kind of distinctive
character that makes them unique and fabulous. Don't
go to Starbuck's and get a pound of dark roast; go to
a local hole-in-the-wall where caffeine junkies sit all
day sipping the good stuff and pick up something that
expresses your personal ideal of good coffee! NO MASS-
PRODUCTION BEANS.
4. Bring no decaf. It is amazing that this rule even has to
be stated, but just to be clear, there it is. NO FREAKING
DECAF. Seriously, folks. Jeepers@!
5. Bring enough beans. We would expect to make about two
pots, but accidents happen, and we'd hate for the winning
beans to be disqualified just because we spilled them and
couldn't make more; 1/2 lb is a good rule of thumb, but
if they are really good beans, bringing more never hurts...
6. The process reigns supreme. This is the only complicated
rule. You have to admit that the others are pretty simple.
But this one has several corollaries:
- The judgment of the judges is final; if you were a judge,
you would know; if not, you're either a contestant, or a
civilian
- The contest is a complicated, fast-paced (by our
standards) event; if you have a question about a matter
unrelated to CoffeeWars, we probably don't know the answer,
and will not have the opportunity to explain this in
detail or even politely
- We like to share, but there's only so much coffee: the
judges *HAVE* to get a proper sample; after that, we
will get a decent cuppa to any contestant that wants
one; non-combatants are not guaranteed a drink, just
because we're not in the giving-everybody-coffee game
- If you want to hold on to any of your beans not consumed
in the contest, the time to address that concern is
BEFORE the contest begins; after that time, things get
a little confusing.
- A complete writeup of the results is going to take longer
than some people would like. It always does.
So it's not hard to enter. Just be at the contest area before the
start of the contest (10:00AM), and have your beans at the ready.
You will fill out an entry form (this takes about 30 seconds) and
deposit your entry with us. We will take it from there, but you're
encouraged to stick around and sample a cup of something good, as
it becomes available. You can also send an e-mail to me (foofus
at foofus d0t net) if you plan to enter, and I'll be sure to have
an entry form set aside for you. Some people have already done
this.
Anyway, if all this sounds like your cup of tea^H^H^Hcoffee, we're
hereby putting you on notice:
****************************************************************
****************************************************************
** **
** Selective Brewing System **
** ORDER TO REPORT FOR COFFEE FORCES EXAMINATION **
** **
** _______________________ **
** To: | DefCon Contest Area | **
** Prospective Coffee Soldiers | Riviera Hotel | **
** All over the Internets | Las Vegas, NV | **
** |_____________________| **
** **
** 4 August 2006 **
** **
** CoffeeWars #7 **
** **
** You are hereby directed to present yourself along **
** with your very bestest unground unflavored full strength **
** coffee beans to the CoffeeWars Judges by reporting at: **
** 10:00AM or prior, on the 4 of August 2006 **
** **
** (Don't try to dodge this by hiding in Canada, like Cat) **
** **
****************************************************************
****************************************************************
Do it for the sake of everlasting glory. Do it in the hope of winning
a valuable prize (yes! we give a prize at the closing ceremony-- had
you not noticed?). Do it for the satisfaction of pouring fuel on the
flames of one of DefCon's craziest traditions. Do it for the
entertainment value of watching the judges try to control themselves
after the first couple gallons of coffee have been consumed. Come on,
you know you want to. It will be fun.
CoffeeWars 7 begins Friday August 4th at 10:00AM (so get us your
entries at at or before that time!) in the DefCon Contest Area at
the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas.
We welcome your challenge.
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