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Message-ID: <49A8A493.7070704@nbnet.nb.ca>
Date: Fri, 27 Feb 2009 22:42:27 -0400
From: Stephen Menard <smenard@...et.nb.ca>
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Subject: Notice to all employees
-------- Original Message --------
Subject: FW: Notice to all employees
Date: Fri, 27 Feb 2009 15:42:20 -0300
Subject: Notice to all employees
Date: Tue, 24 Feb 2009 13:06:14 -0500
Dear employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the
economy, Management has decided to
implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early
retirement. This scheme will be known
as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for
the SHAFT scheme (Special Help
After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will
be reviewed under the SCREW
programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED
once, SHAFTED twice and
SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES
(Half Eamings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED
any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT
(Special High Intensity Training) as
possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it
gives employees. Should you feel that
you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your
Supervisor. They have been trained to give
you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Managemt
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